With huge debate over the release of the new James Bond film later this year - QUANTUM OF SOLACE (2008), I thought I would obviously kick off with this. Does anyone agree it sounds like the stock-piling of a celebrity perfume. A title like this is enough to scare the living daylights out of a Bond fan. I've only just got over "Octopussy" and now this. "Can I have 2 for a quantum of solace please?" - "no you can pay cash just like everyone else...." However I still live in hope of change remembering that "a gem is not polished without rubbing, nor a man made perfect without trials”( ancient chinese proverb ) and diamonds are for ever...
Next we have THE SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELLING PANTS (2005) almost so bad it reviews itself ... pants indeed. I'm afraid I have to report that SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELLING PANTS 2 is released later this year. I'm secretly hoping for an added subtitle - "The jean genie", "Dis-cord in the mall", "Flaring up again...", "Pants for the memories".
On a simillar note THE DIVINE SECTRETS OF THE YA YA SISTERHOOD (2002) is not divine at all, and reiterates a warning to never use sisterhood in a title ever... ever.
GIGLI (2003) so bad in name it had to be bad on screen. Not even Christopher Walken could save this stinker. ( Stop GIGLIng at the back there...)
THE ASSASSINATION OF JESSE JAMES BY THE COWARD ROBERT FORD (2007) now who in their right mind would have a title so big it falls off the end of a movie poster? A bad fit indeed. Not only is it the greatest movie spoiler of all time but it also prejudges the characters for us....
Again THE ENGLISHMAN WHO WENT UP A HILL BUT CAME DOWN A MOUNTAIN (1995) is big but is not clever ...
The self fulfilling NEVERENDING STORY II - THE NEXT CHAPTER (1990). Word up. I hearby sentence you to years of literary analogous sequels ... Mercifully this fibbing franchise did end after NEVERENDING STORY THREE - ESCAPE FROM FANTASIA (1994) so we can all live happily ever after.
This year also sees the release of HAROLD AND KUMAR EASCAPE FROM GUANTANAMO BAY (2008) - I don't need to see this film to know that it's gonna be rubbish - yep this truly awful title tells me so. Laugh - I don't think so.
FREE WILLY (1993). (raises eyebrows)
Next we have THE SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELLING PANTS (2005) almost so bad it reviews itself ... pants indeed. I'm afraid I have to report that SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELLING PANTS 2 is released later this year. I'm secretly hoping for an added subtitle - "The jean genie", "Dis-cord in the mall", "Flaring up again...", "Pants for the memories".
On a simillar note THE DIVINE SECTRETS OF THE YA YA SISTERHOOD (2002) is not divine at all, and reiterates a warning to never use sisterhood in a title ever... ever.
GIGLI (2003) so bad in name it had to be bad on screen. Not even Christopher Walken could save this stinker. ( Stop GIGLIng at the back there...)
THE ASSASSINATION OF JESSE JAMES BY THE COWARD ROBERT FORD (2007) now who in their right mind would have a title so big it falls off the end of a movie poster? A bad fit indeed. Not only is it the greatest movie spoiler of all time but it also prejudges the characters for us....
Again THE ENGLISHMAN WHO WENT UP A HILL BUT CAME DOWN A MOUNTAIN (1995) is big but is not clever ...
The self fulfilling NEVERENDING STORY II - THE NEXT CHAPTER (1990). Word up. I hearby sentence you to years of literary analogous sequels ... Mercifully this fibbing franchise did end after NEVERENDING STORY THREE - ESCAPE FROM FANTASIA (1994) so we can all live happily ever after.
This year also sees the release of HAROLD AND KUMAR EASCAPE FROM GUANTANAMO BAY (2008) - I don't need to see this film to know that it's gonna be rubbish - yep this truly awful title tells me so. Laugh - I don't think so.
FREE WILLY (1993). (raises eyebrows)
OK time to fess up - I'm not putting any Steven Segal films in here, cos I love em, but you know as well as I that all of them should be ( MARKED FOR DEATH, HALF PAST DEAD, HARD TO KILL, ON DEADLY GROUND, OUT FOR A KILL, PRINCE OF PISTOLS ). Well I like a romance as much as the next fella.
But Sly Stallone's films, well that's another matter.... STOP OR MY MOM WILL SHOOT (1992) jaw droppingly bad and even his best film COP LAND (1997), (a film about the police - no really) has the worstist-ist of title choices.
The Wayan brothers make it to the list with their tongue in cheek parody DON'T BE A MENACE TO SOUTH CENTRAL WHILE DRINKING YOUR JUICE IN THE HOOD (1996). We get the gisty joke but it's just not that great or ambitious or risque.
THE CONSTANT GARDNER (2005) really gets your juices flowing... A title in need of both tinkering and tailoring and probably soldiering as the last resort.
SNAKES ON A PLANE (2006) pretty much takes away the necessity to see the movie itself. Perhaps a more mysterious approach was needed - "Something Slithery on a Plane". Look out for future sequels "Plants on a Lake", "Cat on chair", "Singe dans l'arbre", "Mouse under the table".
SHROOMS (2006) Now ask anyone and they'll tell you I'm a fun-guy but it's no laughing matter when a film title is so hilariously bad that it prevents you from being scared witless as is intended - OOooh The SHROOMS... the shrooms.....
WRESTLING WOMEN VS THE AZTEC MUMMY (1964) a very good or was that bad year for film titles. We are now in the realms of titles that could go either way. The first horror / rock n roll / sports interest movie, well it deffo preceeds Rocky III -xxiii anyhoo.
Ok a classic film title so so bad that to be honest it's great - THE INCREDIBLY STRANGE CREATURES WHO STOPPED LIVING AND BECAME MIXED-UP ZOMBIES (1964) One of many B-Movie classics.
STAR TREK III - THE SEARCH FOR SPOCK. (1994) I'm sorry but this has to be the laziest title for a big budget film ever. "We cannae think of a good title capin". Let's just put what happens and that... Very V poor underlined.
Finally on a similar orbit STAR WARS EPISODE I - THE PHANTOM MENACE (1999). A title so cheesey it was rejected by the script writers for Scooby-Doo. Ooh what a menace he is - a real menace that one... Absolutely terrifying.
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That is hilarious, so let me jump on your band wagon and stick my oar in. First 'Lust, caution' - a bit more effort with the grammar translation methinks. Next up Mr Magorium's wonder Emporium- even children can spot the naffness of that one at a thousand paces. I also can't believe they called the Battlestar Galactica movie Razor. I mean, what does that even mean? And how do you pronounce it? Sometimes it's hard to know if the badness of the movie has influenced your opinion of the title, still, I'm fairly sure Tuxedo is crap on all fronts. Ultimately I think the snappy Bulletproof Monk wins it for me, but you never (say never again) know.
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