You Want Clapping - well here's The Ting Tings' Clappy Quiz...

Yep-sir-ee-bobs-yer uncle Jim has fixed it for you... (and you and you)

and the clappiest pop song of them all...

and the clappiest classical piece...

Zuton love shock

I can't explain it. I just love the Zutons. Perhaps it's a scouse thing. I'm glad they must now be rolling in it because of the Amy Winehouse cover of Valerie (I'd be happy to never actually hear that again mind). Their brill new single Always right behind you

Bon Iver and Iron and Wine The Glasgow ABC

It’s a well known fact that Glasgow is more stylish than Edinburgh. In Edinburgh anything more flamboyant than a jeans/t-shirt combo in muted beige screams raving queen to the forward thinking Auld Reekie style police. Now Glasgow is a different animal altogether- embracing all things au courant, from skinny jeans to curly perms. And that’s just the lads. No surprises then that Glasgow outdid herself when the nouveau folk style gauntlet was thrown down by Monday’s much anticipated Iron and Wine/Bon Iver gig. The Glasgow ABC was awash with a fine array of magnificent beards. By the looks of things some definitely started when tickets went on sale 2 months ago, but even the style lightweights were sporting a tributary couple of days growth. The question is, did our visiting folksters deserve their fuzzy homage? The answer is, yes and no.

The Bon Iver album For Emma, forever ago was released here last Monday, but if you’ve been anywhere near the internet since its US release you will have undoubtedly already heard it. The album is like a quiet spooky cry in the darkness, so it was weird that the first thing that struck me on Monday was how loud it was- you know, more of a big loud wail in the darkness. The audience seemed kind of stunned at being allowed to see something so, well, soul baring. By the time Skinny love ended we were all in love. When we were asked to sing the refrain of ‘what might have been lost’ on Wolves, I tell you, I felt like one on those hippies in the John Mills Quatermass mini series, having a semi hysterical mass religious experience. The only downside is that after promising us 2 more songs the gig suddenly ended, and before my favourite song Re-Stacks. Short as it was though, it was going to be a pretty hard act to follow. Still, Iron and Wine started off pretty well with some nice acoustic numbers, they even played my favourite leaving Japan song ‘Passing afternoon’ which definitely brought a ‘that was then but this is now’ tear to my eye. Sadly my favourite song also heralded the arrival of the band which turned out to be their undoing. It put me in mind of when me and V.23 went to see Michelle Shocked in Preston after the Campfire tapes came out and the whole thing was smothered by a thick layer of crap band- plodding drums, boring arrangements, 70s electric piano, you know the kind of thing. I guess the moral of the story is that if you get yourself a pub band to play with you, you will sound like, well you know, a pub band. Let the Phoenix Nights version of the Proclaimer’s Letter from America be a lesson to us all. Suffice it to say, Iron and Wine’s band took away more than they gave, drowning all that delicate prettiness in a sea of bland. To make it worse, they were given more and more noodling time as the night wore on, which left the audience scratching their beards and wondering (as Justin Vernon might) about what might have been lost, and wishing we could get him back for the songs we had missed.

This Week I Have Mostly Been Listening To - Pendulum and "Propane Nightmares"

Saw Pendulum on the Radio One Festival thing last week playing this live and they were awesome - jaw droppingly good actually. I do prefare the live version and that rarely happens - but here's the proper Vid - Anthemically toe-tappingly, head-bangerly and sing-a-long-er-ily-songy. This is the follow up to the equally catchy "Granite". It's less dancey/drummy/basey though. Think Muse vs Linkin Park - Enjoy.

The Sunday Round-up

I’ve been like a pig in shit this week, with music coming out of my ears. Literally. I started with the new Gnarls Barkley album The Odd couple, interspersed with Portishead’s new release Third. The effect was like having a manic episode. Now I can hardly listen to one without the other without becoming dangerously unbalanced. The Gnarls Barklay is this high energy pop soul explosion, with shades of Stevie Wonder, The Supremes and I can even hear R Dean Taylor. It makes me feel warm, and oddly energetic. Oh, and there’s clapping. Lots of it. So you know, that always tips me over the edge. I would call it the future feel good soundtrack of the summer, if that wasn’t such a cliché. No guaranteeing the summer part either. Sigh. It’s been 11 years since Portishead brought out a studio album, and in the meantime, we have all finally managed to admit that absolutely no one ever knew what trip hop was. It didn’t sound like hip hop, or tripping (that sounds like squirrels). Not only was said sound confined to Bristol, it turned out on closer inspection it was a sound confined to, well , Portishead and Tricky. It wins the award for the most fatuous of the made up music genre words, although Emo comes pretty close. Anyhoo. It was a good word wasn’t it? Personally I think Portishead are Goths, and this album is a goth dream. It will take you to a cold dark place and let you look into the belly of the beast and the bleakness of your own soul. The weird thing is, you will enjoy it- Even the Machine Gun one, and that weird accordion one. Trust me. And talking of weird, I’ve also been listening to Lykke li. She is a Swedish chick with big Scandinavian hair. I like the ambiguity her name, you know, is it pronounced Licky Lee? Or Likey lie? I have started calling her Lookie Likie in honour of the French and Saunders sketch. I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t mind. She seems a bit odd. And her album’s a bit odd too- Kind of goofy, but sweet . It’s not perfect, but there’s enough on it to keep you smiling. And there’s more clapping- it really has been a good week!

And ending on a high note (literally) it’s the wonderful Crystal Castles. Imagine if all the old Atari games consoles, Pac man and Space Invaders machines from the 80s were buried under a spooky house, and an ill advised kitchen extension caused their bones to be disturbed, and they came back to life as evil spirits hell bent on wreaking their revenge, then you would have something approximating the sound of Crystal Castles. Now I’ve got to admit that I do prefer the ones that have something approaching a tune, but I am getting on, so fair play. They are awesome, in a greek tragedy , not Bill and Ted type of way.

Blast From The Past - Kristin Hersh and Your Ghost

An hallucinatory and haunting melody from 1994, Your Ghost sees Kristin Hirsh (kooky and genius-touched) hanging out her ghostly demons once again on her acoustic washing line. This song features Michael Stipe (from the boy-band REM) poetically dueting and echoing the ghost and subject of Ms Hirsh's surreal and tormented insomnia. (I suggest putting down that coffee she's moaning about as an aid to a good night's rest). I so remember listening to Your Ghost - time and time and time again; as is the want of an obsessive music fan who has discovered the perfect song, intricately unadorned. This song is endless, it flows faultlessly, steers eerily and creeps caressingly from a perspective so impassionate (reminds me of Plath) and yet full of emotion. It sings truths, it is tangible and it plainly and painfully makes a difference. Simply gorgeous.

If You Like.... Then You'll Love ....

If you're waiting with baited breath for the New Portishead album (1st for 10 years) then why not give 12 Rounds a try. They are infact more unashamedly Portisheady than Portishead. They are what the Essence are to The Cure and Rosetta to the Sisters.
12 Rounds even have the genius that is Chris Cunningham, lending his unique vision as director to this video for Personally. Cunningham of course had earlier directed Portishead's Only You.

Bands who sound like ELO sounding like the Beatles

Don't you just love bands who sound like ELO sounding like the Beatles. I've just been listening to the new Panic At The Disco ditty Nine In The Afternoon, which is at the higher end of this new classic old genre and not to be confused with its close relative - bands that sound like Oasis sounding like The Beatles. Don't get me wrong, I love this more raucous and boisterous earlier Beatlesque genre too, especially Lilys, XTC, The Redwalls, Elliot Smith, Spoon, The Real People (who probably started off the genre) and The La's.

Actually, pretty much all Liverpool-based scally bands sound like Oasis sounding like the Beatles, (unless they are in bands that sound like The Bunnymen sounding like The Velvets). However, their material is just not as subtley stolen as that of bands that do tunes that sound like ELO sounding like The Beatles. When I say stolen, I don't mean stolen - as in a postmodern amalg of unique and unauthored meaningless-ness-ness signs that one can't avoid or lay claim to. I mean lazy, uninspired pastiche, or thievery, which just so happens to sound quite good and jaunts us back to happier, more imagine-ative times of fields of red fruit and yellow margarine. These new old songs amuse and bemuse, and we smile and we cry and we LAUGH. Though not with these quasi-Quarrymen but at them - even if it is at an unconscious level which in my case it isn't. I don't necessarily mean these bands are out and out tribute bands - but they are, but I'm not saying that. What I mean is that having become successful bands, having gained such privileged positioning, in that their audiences are keen/desperate to hear unique and thought-provoking, fresh, new and not appropriated music, we are oft left deflated. We want and demand more from artists which we and they and I admire and look up to for guidance, rebellion and some shock of the new. Therefore we would like some reciprocation of effort in return for our endless hunting through record shops and Woolies bargain bins (substitute with music interwebsites) . I'm not saying that all these bands are Tribute bands, which they're obviously not, but probably are; and as such have thrown in the dirty wet towel of originality and sold out, (which they have done), by copying and paying "homage" to The Beatles, whose music is the best-selling music of all time. I'm not saying that at all, in fact these "covers" bands, for want of a better phrase, are more than probably best described as new and improved, nee better than The Beatles, in that they have evolved by mixing, copying, fashioning and stealing the style and formula of the Beatles and ELO and to a much lesser degree Oasis. Not that they deliberately do steal from the Beatles (who have sold over 500 million records) in the hope of gaining financial rewards, this is just the coincidence that all tribute and non-tribute bands alike have to perilously negotiate on their journey toward evolution. These bands are greater than the Beatles, or at least the sum of their parts adds up to more than The Beatles and ELO (and Oasis to a lesser degree) put together. They bring to the table re-newed vigour, re-invention and music reminiscent of made-for-TV movies; re-runs of last weeks soaps and late night sporadic, episodic repeats of The Avengers and The Professionals. Critics may and should call them "clever" as they not only sound like The Beatles but also ELO sounding like The Beatles at the same time. A marriage made in Heaven, a bargain for the 2 for 1 generation. These bands are both the future and the past. They are deffinately not Tribute acts, (maybe), though especially not Oasis, who even hail from a different town than The Beatles, (literally miles away). Oasis by the way, are now officially by law, ackowledged "greater" than the Beatles as proved by Deffinately Maybe being voted the best album of all time in a recent poll by the NME. No finer testement, nor merit of achievement, could be awarded to the only band who sound like themselves sounding like the Beatles.

Enjoy the coming together of a chance occurrence of brilliant songs, carefully crafted and manipulated by bands paying tribute to the hugely popular, respected and financially successful Beatles, whilst also sounding like ELO sounding like The Beatles.

My favourite top tunes that sound like ELO sounding like The Beatles are:

Panic At The Disco obviously with Nine In The Afternoon.
The Hoosiers' Goodbye Mr A.

Brendan Benson - I'm Drinking Tea.

Jet - Look what you've done.

The Wannadies - Things That I Would Love to Have Undone.

The Shins - Phantom Limb.

The Feeling and Sewn.
Tears For Fears with Sowing The Seeds Of Love.

Simian - La Breeze.

Crowded House Not The Girl you think you are.

Klaatu - Sub Rosa Subway.

The Dukes of Stratosphear - You're a good man Albert Brown.
Ween - The Mollusk.

Tally Hall - Good Day.

Emitt Rhodes - Somebody Made For Me .

MGMT - Time To Pretend.

Blast From The Past - Sinéad O'Connor - Troy

My lordy I've just rediscovered Sinéad in an almighty head-on collision with the genius that is Troy (1987). God this has to be one of the greatest songs ever written. Truely hauntingly beautiful and spiritualy venomous. I just love those strings as well, you know it's the little things. I can't stop playing it now - that's me for the near future I think. John Maybury directs this extremely powerful video, capturing O'connor's emotional turmoil wonderfully. The video (as is his one for Nothing Compares 2 U) is in a style reminiscent of left of field cult directors Derek Jarman or Peter Christopherson. Maybury went on to direct movies such as 2005's The Jacket with Adrian Brody and Keira Knightley. There are also several dance remixes of Troy around but nothing compares to the total passion and pain of the original. Only genuine gifted magickal artists are able to leave themselves so open, (and literally naked in this video), by writing songs as personal as this. I can only think of Nine Inch Nails' Hurt as a recent example. It is pure alchemical healing in a higher state of consciousness and here is an equally enthusiastic and intimate accoustic version if you require cathartic seconds... My mouth remains unhinged in wonder, respect and reverence.

This Week I Have Mostly Been Listening To - The Wolfmen and Cecilie

Now as you may have picked up, I absolutely love early Adam and the Ants stuff. Maybe love isn't a strong enough word for it but alas Marco, Merrick, Terry Lee, Gary Tibbs and .... was not really where it was happening for me ... AT ALL (well maybe a little bit when no one was looking). But I do however like to keep a close eye on Marco's doodlings and musings. Mr Pironi though, has had his moments; from the awesome Feedback Song on Rema Rema's Wheel in the Roses e.p. to his early collaboration with Sinead O'Connor. But now he has a new project The Wolfmen and this track Cecilie has just been nibbling away at me for months. I really like it alot. It reminds me a little of Iggy's The Passenger, which in itself reminds me of great nights out at Southport Floral Hall's Rock Night in the late 70s (OMG). The Passenger was always the last song they played - obviously The Time Warp haden't been discovered then.... Anyhoo Cecilie is such a grower but don't take my word for it, have a listen. Think Bryan Adams' Run To You vs Jethro Tull.

Soko - I Will Never Love You More

This song has got right under my skin - I love it's sentiments and the cute hint of accent at the end of each line...honesty at its best.

Into something rich and strange: Top 25 cover versions

Now you all know about my barely concealed disdain for the current rash of what I loosely call 'shite' cover versions. These can be heard mainly on The Radio 1 live lounge album II and Mark Ronson's Version (Best British Male indeed- cock). But I'm not tarnishing all covers with the same skanky old brush, no sir. There are some sublime covers out there which, at their very best are utterly transforming, and every bit as good as their originals. It's a contentious subject though, and If anyone actually read this blog I'd be slightly worried about getting a kicking.

25 Richard Cheese and Lounge against the Machine Enter Sandman (Metallica)
Without doubt my favourite from the inimitable loungers- and I don't just like them because of their excellent punnery - although that makes my lexical universe feel warm and fuzzy. I'm fond of this because Enter Sandman was one of my karaoke numbers in Japan. I particularly enjoyed singing it when I was beyond unbelievably pissed. To my mind, I sounded like Richard Cheese, in reality I sounded like this- Rahrahrahrahblahblahrahrah. Happy memories. For me at least.

24 Rod Stewart The First Cut is the Deepest (Cat Stevens)
I couldn't believe this was a Cat Stevens song! And I'll tell you why, when I was lying on our living room floor listening to my mum's The Best of Rod Stewart album (you remember, that pink one. all mums had it by law.) I totally BELIEVED that Rod was singing this song from the very bottom of his sincerest, truest, beauty-really-is-more-than- blond-deep heart. I felt every single word of his pain like I was there with him, being torn limb from limb by the horrors of first love. It came as a totally surprise that, you know, Perhaps Rod's heart wasn't really in it. If only I'd seen this appearance on Top of the Pops, the game might have been up a lot sooner.

23 Futureheads Hounds of Love (Kate Bush)
So apart from a couple of (reputedly) pretty shitty cover albums by (reputedly) pretty shitty bands, the first real Kate cover was probably Placebo's Running up that Hill, which is actually pretty fine. Kudos to them for taking on the (reputedly) un-take-on-able, and kudos to the Futureheads for not only that, but for the sheer brilliance of their choice of song. They manage to do exactly what Kate Bush does, that is, make a really silly song sound, well, not silly, but quite good. Damn! How do they do that?! Makes Dogtanian and the Three Muskahounds sound like pussies.

22 Sugarbabes Living for the Weekend (Hard Fi)
A surprise entry given my current displeasure with the Live Lounge, but my God this song is lush! Imagine a song about yoof dissatisfaction in small town England, where the only relief you get from your piss poor pathetic life is when you go out and get totally wasted at the weekend. And then imagine the beautiful, shiny, glossy Sugarbabes singing said song. And then luxuriate in your own glorious disorientation. My favourite lines are of course 'Ah shit, so my clothes are all counterfeit, so my name isn't on the list' -The Sugarbabes' names not on the list? carrying fake Gucci bags? You are joking right? Ah, but out of the mouths of babes.....

21 White Stripes I Just don't know what to do with myself (Dusty Springfield-kinda)
Ah the White Stripesiness of the White Stripes. This song is full on sexy, which perhaps goes someway to explaining the Kate Moss/pole dancing video thing.

20 Sinead O'Connor Nothing Compares 2 U (Prince/The Family)
I could have believed Sinead O'Connor had written this- her first album had some really nice stuff on it. Anyway, she didn't, but I totally BELIEVED she did, just like Rod Stewart all over again. I'm pleased she had this success, because I like Sinead O'Connor, and can't help thinking she has been misrepresented. Unless she is actually a catholic mental.

19 The Bangles Hazy Shade of Winter (Simon and Garfunkel)
Now some people might think that the Bangles are lame, but I beg to differ. Does that long time crush I had on Susanna Hoffs have anything to do with it? Well, I'm going to say no, to preserve my artistic integrity, but I can't stop you laughing at me behind my back now can I? The Bangle's cover does what any great cover should do- it transforms the song into something new and wonderful whilst somehow retaining the essential beauty of the original. And that guitar riff!

18 S Express Hey Music Lover
I suppose it's really S'express (although I must give a nod to Betty Boo) that marked my final acceptance of Disco as a viable medium, albeit through the channel of Dance music. I don't actually notice that the two are related until the late 90s but I was never particularly quick on the uptake. Oh. And I can't find the original band name anywhere. Anybody help me out?

17 Flying Lizards Money (The Beatles)
Generally speaking, Beatles covers are pale imitations of the originals. I mean, no one needs to hear another Beatles ballad do they? But this cover is so off the wall it's brilliant.

16 Soft Cell What! (Judy Street)
Just a tantalising taste of how fabulous Soft Cell are at the art of the cover version. There are about 6 songs in the world that make me feel full on happy. This is one of them.

15 Happy Mondays Step On (John Kongos)
Ah the Happy Mondays in their hayday. You knew it couldn't last so best just to neck one and enjoy the ride. And where did they find this song?

14 Donna Summer McArthur Park (Richard Harris)
In my addled teenage brain, I always thought that this song was from Camelot, and the cake was something to do with Merlin. Which is a strange but easy enough mistake to make. To imagine you could turn that 6 minute Harris ramble, into a glamorous disco opus is stranger still. Now that's magic!

13 Placebo Running up that Hill (Kate Bush)
Like I said. Kudos for having the nerve to cover her.

12 Johnny Cash Hurt (Nine Inch Nails)
My dad (long time Johnny Cash devotee) totally hated the The Man comes around album. He hated that Johnny C had finally lost his voice, It made him feel his own mortality he said- that even Johnny Cash couldn't sing forever. For me the failing voice adds new shades of meaning to the song- feelings of loss, mortality, frailty, getting old. And the video is perfect. A fine epitaph indeed.

11 Robert Wyatt Shipbuilding (Elvis Costello)
Elvis Costello says that this song has "The best lyrics I've ever written". He wrote it for Robert Wyatt- and even though he later recorded it, he couldn't surpass it. As a comment on the Falklands and the 80s in general it by far surpasses Costello's more caustic numbers (I'm thinking Tramp the dirt down), and it remains a glum reminder of just how grim-up-north it was in the 80s.

10 Sundays Wild Horses (The Rolling Stones)
This is the 12" b side of the first single release from the Sundays second (and not that well received) album Blind. I bought it on vinyl when it came out and thought I was the only person in the world who had heard it. Then (10 years later) it starts appearing all over the show- Buffy, Garden State.... spooky. And lovely.

9 Dread Zeppelin Hey Hey (Led Zeppelin)
There isn't much to say here except Robert Plant loves Dread Zeppelin. I prefer the later smoothness of De-jah Voodoo, but I can go the earlier rough and ready easily enough. They are just fucking inspired. And isn't that a pun?

8 Tori Amos Smells like Teen Spirit (Nirvana)
Some people totally hate this song. I am totally not one of them. This still makes me sad when I hear it, because I am a sentimental divvy.

7 Scissor Sisters Comfortably Numb (Pink Floyd)
Sometimes when I'm talking about music this strange urge to talk in DJ cliches overwhelms me, and I start wanting to say things like, totally rocks, kickin', cool, guitar licks and blows my mind. To my mind this song is a masterpiece of cheeky irreverence. Not so much a thumbs up to Pink Floyd, so much as the finger at Pink Floyd. At least that's what I like to think. And man, it is so cool it blows my mind.

6 Gary Jules Mad World (Tears for Fears)
It's utterly inspired this isn't it. The saddest thing in the world. Almost inseparable from the perfect ending of Donnie Darko, it rivals Mrs Robinson at the end of The Graduate for the most perfectly placed piece of music in a film ever. (I feel another list coming on...)

5 Soft Cell Tainted Love (Gloria Jones)
I was 14 when this song came out. I had already lived through the camp bonanza that was 70s glam rock, I had seen punk, new wave and the mincing foppery of New Romanticism was just getting underway. Nothing though, had prepared me for Mark Almond and Soft Cell. Me, and everyone I knew, had never seen anything like them. Only Boy George's appearance on Top of the Pops the following year would come close to it. And the song was out of this world! Everybody was just totally blown away by it (is there a dj in the room?) Like Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah, it's the Soft Cell cover that artists now cover, not the original. The mark of a truly inspired cover.

4 Sandy Shaw Jeane (The Smiths)
I was never much taken with Sandy Shaw really, but somehow she brings this kitchen sink-y Smiths drama to life in a way that the original never does. And this live version does all those DJ cliches to me again!

3 Ellen McIllwaine Higher Ground (Stevie Wonder) I had been listening to this song for about a year before I realised it was actually the Stevie Wonder Higher Ground, I thought the title was just a coincidence. It's hard to imagine anything ever coming close to the original, but this song does it and some. Its like Stevie Wonder possessed by a Haitian monkey devil during a medicine man exorcism. After half a pint of peyote.

2 Jeff Buckley Hallelujah (Leonard Cohen)
There are two things that annoy me when people talk about Hallelujah. The first is people saying 'I prefer the original'. I mean, I love Leonard Cohen as much as the next man, but his Hallelujah was never hailed as one of his greats because, well frankly it's a bit of a dirge. Obviously it's poetically breathtaking, but when Jeff Buckley sings it, it becomes this shining thing, something so beautiful it's practically a religion. A bit like Richard Burton reading Dylan Thomas or Twiggy wearing Mary Quant. The second is people saying 'I prefer the Rufus Wainright/Kathryn Williams/Imogen Heap/Bon Jovi/U2 version', because like the Tainted Love covers, these songs are covers of a cover (Jeff Buckley's), which you've got to admit, just isn't that cool.

1 This Mortal Coil Song to the Siren (Tim Buckley)
Funny that my top 2 covers are oddly connected. Not only is Jeff the son of Tim, he also went out with Elizabeth Frazer (they met at his request because he had loved her version of his dad's song). I first heard this on one of those long nights listening to seven shades of shit on John Peel to hear the occasional good song. He was the Cocteau Twins' number one fan bless him. If I try hard enough I can still remember the chill this song used to give me whenever I heard it. The first time I went to Gwen's house when I was 17, she played Ghosts, Stairway to Heaven, and Song to the Siren. We are still mates obviously. Who could fly in the the face of that kind of good omen? It was like nothing I had ever heard before. I got into Tim Buckley much later, and totally get why some find him a hard nut to crack. What I admire about Elizabeth Fraser is that at 21 she had not only cracked it, but rendered it richer and stranger than its (in its own right very beautiful) original. Seems only fitting that she should be rewarded with Jeff Buckley really. If only for a short while.

This Week I have Mostly Been Listening To - The Ting Tings and Great DJ

and the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums,the Drums..... The Ting Tings


Why does it sometimes remind me of a speeded up version of Radiohead's Just

The Dirty Baker's Dozen - 13 Top Tunes Banned By The Beeb

1 - The Sex Pistols and God Save The Queen This Jubilee tribute song positively announces that the Youf of today are the future in England's dreaming and how right they were, then in the past.

2 - Fat Boy Slim and F***ing In Heaven Not sure why this was banned by the BBC, probably something to do with size-ist political correctness gone mad.

3 - Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin with Je T'aime Moi Non Plus Originally recorded with Brigitte Bardot, this scandalous song is aimed by tout le monde. Jane's constant whispering about how she's always freezing is seen by some as the song that symbolises the end of the warm 60s hippy culture.

4 - Prodigy and Smack My Bitch Up Banned for drug abuse to dogs.

5 - The Stranglers with Peaches Banned for inappropriate dressing of fury fruit. The lyrics of the song where later changed to allow airplay - Punk Rock!

6 - Dead Kennedys Too Drunk Too F*** Back in the day - you had to have a single banned to gain any street credos. This was Jello's attempt.

7 - Frankie Goes To Hollywood - Relax banned for crimes against Video and T-Shirts.

8 - The Shamen -Ebeneezer Goode Genius, norty, norty, very norty song. Mischievious, mysterious and devious Ebeneezer actually is a very educational song warning of over indulgence in at least one line.

9 - Scott Walker with Jackie apparently in 1967 you weren't allowed to mention "queers". However no one seemed to mind the use of the words "bum" "ass" and "Twickenham", or the obvious implications of his "pink elephants" halucination.

10 - Donna Summer - Love To Love You Donna, before she instigated her famous health and fitness regeme, is oft heard out of breath and slurring her words due to Disco-over-indulgence, during the recording of this 70s classic.

11 - Ricky Valance - Tell Laura I Love Her A tale of reckless driving that was sure to impact on the youth of the day.

12 - Lonnie Donegan - Diggin My Potatoes Never mind in 1954 this outrageous shocker would be banned today lol.

13- The Kinks - Lola Banned not for the reason you might think. Apparently before cherry cola was popular this song may have advertised another brand.

This Week I have Mostly Been Listening to - Vampire Weekend's A Punk

Summer's here, it's official and we have the catchy-ist of summer anthems to blast out of our cars whilst wearing our new shades and sunning our sun-blocked right arms. Cruising the mean streets of Whitby on our own Vampire Weekend , romance and hairspray in the air, sharing cider and black with our pale loved ones outside The Angel, what could be more summery-er. Apparently Jilly Goolden can recognise the aroma of bluebells diluted by white striped pixies and with just a hinty rememberance of they might be Julians. Love it, love it, love it - "Ay Ay Ay Ay"

Off the Chart

I am totally fascinated by the band Battles. They have an album out called Mirrored and it's really nuts. I just read on Wikipedia that Battles are a Math rock band. If you know what that means please tell me. Here's the video of Atlas to keep you occupied in the mean time.

The Sunday Round-up

So how blog-slack have I been? Was I wallowing in a cultureless pit you say? Why no! In fact I’m going to share my artsy wandering with you in my new slot The Sunday round-up. Sounds exciting doesn’t it?! Well first off, I’ve been in a musical time warp this week, a bit like Kylie Minogue when she steps back in time, except I’m a lot taller than Kylie. I mean a LOT taller. So, the time warp- well it started with the new Breeders album, Mountain Battles. At first I was just really enjoying the groovy old Breedersiness of it all, but after a few listens I was kind of pining for just a little bit of innovation; a few bleeps and squirls, some synths, some effects, you know, just a nod to acknowledge that the 90s did actually happen . I felt something similar about the new Gutter Twins album Saturnalia, which takes you back to a similar era. The original grunge king Mark Lanegan has teamed up with Aghan Whigs’ Greg Dulli for, well sort of grungy early 90s rock music. Which sounds like I’m slagging it off- but it’s actually pretty engaging if you like, well, grungy early 90s rock music, which I quite do. One can’t help imagining how both of these bands might sound if someone like U.N.C.L.E or the Chemical Brothers got their hands on them though. Now that would be something. Just a little warning- the Afghan Whigs is only the first of several bad band names I’ll be mentioning today. So brace yourself. Still on the retro theme, how disappointing are Biffy Clyro? (See what I mean about the band names?) I was enjoying that new single Who’s got a match so I decided to give Puzzle a go. They sound like some crap American teenage band from back in the day. You know, like Good Charlotte; or My Chemical Romance. And I don’t mean that in a good way. Who came up with the idea that this band are cool? With that ersatz American accent, those poser beards and those piss poor lyrics? Moving swiftly on, Elbow (oh for fuck’s sake) have got a great single out called Grounds for Divorce, taken off their new album The Seldom Seen Kid out on March 17^th. I am enjoying their ugliness. Go and have a look. Good news too, the wonderful Bon Iver is playing with the wonderful Iron and Wine, on 12^th May. I mean, what a dreamy combination! Ok, it’s in Glasgow, which is enough to take the sheen off, but them’s the breaks. Bon Iver put a video out this week actually, for The Wolves (part I and II), which suggests strongly that if you take yourself to a log cabin in the middle of nowhere in winter after you’ve been dumped, there isn’t much to do except make fires and write songs about your big thoughts. This video, you know, tells it like it is. Finally, I’ve been having my heart broken almost daily by Milo and Isaac, off the Pedigree dog adverts (I wonder when they lost the ‘chum’?) It’s the line ‘I know I’m a good dog’ that really gets me, suggesting as it does, that ‘I know I’m a good dog, so why does my owner keep putting fags out on me and making me sleep in my own shit?’ Watch this then listen to For Emma forever ago and listen to the sound of your own heart breaking.

Nouvelle Vague

The Queens Hall Edinburgh 10th February 2008

So this might come as a bit of a surprise given my recent bitching about cover versions; a night out with Parisian style merchants- Nouvelle Vague. The premise is pretty simple- 80s new wave and post punk classics done in a bossa-nova style. (Nouvelle vague means New wave in French and bossa-nova in Portuguese- now that is one big box of coincidence.) My bitching was pretty much Radio One’s fault- fresh off the back of the success of 2006’s Live Lounge album, the bloated old media cockers at the beeb made the fairly predictable mistake of flogging a dead horse until it’s lifeless bloody stump fell, and then froze, stiff as a board in the newly fallen snow, like they do in the frozen wastes of Siberia. The result (after a long year listening to that shit everyday on the radio) was the unspeakable dirge that is Live Lounge 2; a dreadful shambolic collection of badly chosen, craply arranged and mostly piss poor covers of modern songs. I could go on but just have a listen and tell me if you don’t want to pour brandy in your ears by the end of it. The point is, I’m not against covers per se (in fact I feel a top ten covers list coming on...) and I’m even a fan of the single style covers bands- Richard Cheese (lounge), Brian Seltzer Orchestra (Rockabilly), the mighty Dread Zeppelin (Led Zeppelin reggae style by an Elvis impersonator), so my appearance at the Nouvelle Vague concert wasn’t really that surprising. When I got there though, I suddenly had misgivings. The Queen’s hall is a soulless venue at the best of times, and this was an Edinburgh 30 something crowd on a Sunday night. Not a group known for dressing up as dancers from les folies bergere whilst knocking back absinthe, smoking cigars and having seedy sexual encounters before the consumption gets them. The mood was sombre, with an undercurrent of ‘this better be finished by 10.30 cause I’ve gotta get home to iron my work blouse’. It was a pretty slow starter too, in spite of the band being fronted by two gorgeous women. It didn’t take them too long to win us over though, and by the time The Dead Kennedy’s Too Drunk to Fuck came around, we were all well and truly smitten. You just couldn’t stay frosty in the face of all that good natured, uncontrived sexiness, and the most curious selection of 80s songs never to be heard on Radio Norwich. The old goth in me was in Nostagia heaven, with songs from The Lords of the New Church (Dance with me), The Cramps (Human fly), The Sisters of Mercy (Marian), Killing Joke (Psyche), The Cure (A Forest) and the piece de resistance Bauhaus’s Bela Lugosi’s dead. All mixed down with smooth lounginess and bossa-nova beats the audience were pretty much transfixed well before the first encore. And although no one cracked open the absinthe, we left the concert feeling hot and fuzzy inside, and I wasn't the only one lighting a fat imaginary cigar as I left the building.

LABELS: A Brief History of British Music 1976 -1982. So let's play "Punk or Post-Punk, New Wave or New Romantic?"

Once upon a time there was a thing from 1976-1979 called Punk. Punk Rock is the sing-a-list most important time in poular music ever underlined. The bands caught up in it are the drumstick that all those that have come since are measured against. The Sex Pistols (unequivocal, unequalable). The Clash (uncompromising and undefeated). The Damned (riotous, funny and unique). The Stranglers (brilliant songs and brimming with positive agression). Adam and the Ants (dangerous, sexy and as arty as Bowie). Siouxsie and the Banshees (awesome and unbelievingly learnt how to play on the way). Later on Crass, Conflict, Zounds and Flux of Pink Indians would lead the second wave (the true post-punks) and develop a new anarcho-folk tradition. These guys made records that made you sit up, made you jump around and made you think.

New Wave however existed in the culturally accepted space, ne abyss between that of the more experimental and challenging Punk and Post-Punk movements. New Wave is rubbish. Worse than the 80s revival Mod scene, which only lasted as long as the clothes did, of the ex Jam fans that needed an outlet in which to pose, after they had split up and entered style councilling. So yes rubbish, a sweeping statement but never was a truer word... New Wave was the safe, the acceptable side of Punk. Sanitised for mass consumption for Foster Grant adverts. New Wave was marketable and bland and derivative. Bands such as The Boomtown Rats, Blondie, 999, Squeeze, The Look, Devo, Martha and the Muffins, Elvis Costello, Ian Dury, The Dickies, The Jags and The Police all fit into the British New Wave categorisation.

This is exactly the reason we need labels. Such bands needed to be named and stereotyped thus, ( as do all uninspiring copy cats - and yes I'm looking at you The Pigeon Detectives ) to prevent the wasting of precious time whilst browsing through endless sleeves in record shops of yore. Helpfully, all these bands also wore the "new wave" uniform combos of skinny tie, skinny keks, multiple coloured Tees, sunglasses and gelled hair as a visual aid. These gimmicky bands have nothing to say but occaisionally can knock up a hum-able tune or two.

Enough of New Wave and on to Synth Pop and the New Romantics. Out of the turgid and insipid New Wave movement came these new Newies. Newies with a need to rebel ( but not too much and only after homework was finished ). Synth Poppers and The New Romantics rebelled by dressing strangely and transgressing boundaries of a psycho-sexual nature like that fella from The Human League who looked like a lady from one side and a football holligan from the other. Or Boy George who looked just like a man dressed like a lady. Bands that defined the emergence of Synth Pop were Soft Cell, Depeche Mode, Gary Numan and the Human League. Synth pop bands were generally quite good, cos they were musical pioneers in their own right and quasi dangerous at the weekend. Synth poppers themselves were influenced by early industrial Post-Punk acts such as Throbbing Gristle and artists from the blossoming European Industrial underground scene ( Foetus, Swans, Einsturzende Neubauten. ) Synth Poppers had taste in music but needed the adoration of the Top Of The Pops nation and so released wishy-washy synth-love-songs. Either that or they couldn't afford a distortion pedal, scrap metal and real Timpani. The Post-Punk Industrial scene and its early use of samplers and sequencing would soon be recognised as the first seeds of the Rave Generation and Electro-Dance scene to come.

The "heroes" of the New Romantic movement where Duran Duran, Spandau Ballet, Ultravox, Visage and Adam Ant (who was just momentarily confused). New Romantics were pants - literally it was all about the pants and shoes and socks and hair and make-up. They were influenced by Bucks Fizz, The Nolans and Dollar. Utter carp with no musical legacy to speak of and as such, will be skipped over as one would side step around poo on the Zebra Crossing outside Abbey Road.

(Ooh look over there - it's Ska - damn - just missed it. Get out of the way Rock-a-billy ... Nope too late - they're gone).

Next we meet the proto goths. Hello Siouxsie, hello Robert and who's that up north Mr Pete Burns. Bye then...

Post Punk was deffinately born out of the attitudes of PUNK. Bands became politicised again, Uk Decay, Magazine, The Fall, Gang of Four, The Birthday Party, PIL, Joy Division, Killing Joke, Bauhaus, The Southern Death Cult, Theatre of Hate. Bands with louder guitars and with loads of drumming and even longer, spikier hair. Diverse bands looking to challenge music and change our lives through the medium of John Peel. Intelligent Bands that meant business, un-afeared to challenge aural conventions, that wouldn't sell out cept The Cult obviously.

And then we have Goth... Sex Gang Children, Alien Sex Fiend and The Specimen. Born in a simmillar way to the New Romantics out of clubs in London and more about style than substance, they however did look cooler than scally New Romantic sheepy types and also had loads of cool skull toys and cobweb stuff. These were the forerunners of the Hippy Goths, but that's another story....

So in conclusion, without Punk, without what grew out of Punk, we wouldn't know how utterly rubbish todays' music is. Also as music seems now deemed to repeat itself cyclically/cynically, we would have missed the unique and revolutionary talents (lol) of The Pet Shop Boys (New Synth Pop), Marilyn Manson (New New Goth), Franz Ferdinand (New New Romantics), The Arctic Monkeys (New Post-Indie-Post-Punk), The Pigeon Detectives (New New New Wave), Green Day (New Punk's not Dead), Ocean Colour Scene (New Mod), The Ordinary Boys (New Ska) and The Klaxons (New Rave) ... D+ could do much better.

Music Review: Goldfrapp Seventh Tree

Even if you've never bought a Goldfrapp album, I guarantee that you have heard every track they have ever made whilst sitting in a cool (or not so cool) pre-club ambient style bar somewhere. They couldn't have seen it coming, but there's pretty much nothing they can do to stop the rot now- to get bars like that to stop playing Goldfrapp would be like telling them to stop playing Air's Moon Safari. The darling's of the 30 something Q reader; the thinking man's electronica; they may have seemed a bit too glib and soulless for some. I have a foot in both camps- I thought Black Cherry was something of a masterpiece; a glorious fusion of Bolan-esque glam rock, perfect electronic pop with a delicious edge of 30's burlesque. Supernature was less convincing. Sounding every bit like Black Cherry on the outside, it had decidedly less flavour when you bit into it, and a shorter shelf life. Enter Seventh Tree, the latest offering Ms Goldfrapp and Mr Gregory. A strangely pastoral affair; The Seventh Tree incorporates acoustic guitars (what?!) Wicker Man-esque folksy-ness, and even a hint of Elizabeth Frazer. I was wrong to have worried that turning down the effects on Alison Goldfrapp's voice might have exposed relatively weak vocals. Actually it does, but it totally doesn't matter, the result is a warm delicate sound something like Britt Ekland (or should that be Annie Ross) from the aforementioned Wicker Man, or Janice Ian, or Dana! Stand out tracks are Clowns and the current single A&E. Are they different enough to become the staple of Old Jock's Tavern instead of The Opal Lounge? Don't be daft, they haven't changed that much! But they have added something warm and human to their sound. And don't worry, even if you don't want to go out and buy it, you will shortly be able to listen to it in any bar that sports leather couches, polished floor boards and serves warmed goat's cheese parcels. Yum.