Made Of Honour VS Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Made Of Honour stars Patrick Dempsey (Grey's Anatomy) and Michelle Monaghan as best mates who really (though they don't know it yet) love each other in a marriage-kinda-way. It's OK and has hilarious Scottish accents in it - even from Kevin Mckidd. It's all been done before and better, though if you haven't seen any of those flicks it is nearly OK-ish (5).

Forgetting Sarah Marshall is that new post - post - post modern comedy from those Knocked up 40 year old virgin producers/masters of post post post modern comedy. You know the one with Russell Brand and some Americans. Russell seems to be playing himself - so he's nae bad for a comedian. Jason Segel (Knocked up) is good as is Kristen Bell (Heroes) but Jonah Hill (also Knocked Up and Superbad) stole the funny honours for me. It's a bit better than OK, so if there's nowt on telly - give it a go. (5.32)

And the winner is: Forgetting Sarah Marshall by a small internal belly chuckle....

Battling Movies

A veritable melee of filmic tustles - nee battles to report on this week:

In the Heavy weight Division In Bruges takes on Happy Go Lucky. In the Middle Weight Division Doomsday takes on Iron Man and in the Featherweight Division Nim's Island is up against What Happens In Vegas.

In Bruges sees the first full length release from oscar winner (Six Shooter), writer/director Martin Mcdonagh. Colin Farrell is the cute, loveable pain-in-the-ass, murdering hitman (Ray), around which the story revolve(r)s. Brendan Gleeson is his partner Ken, the straight man of the double act, who gives a wonderfully subtle, solid and sardonic performance. This is by far the best thing Farrell has ever done. His comic timing is spot on and the twinkle in his eyes bling-itious. I also loved In Bruges' weird and unexpected homage to Nicolas Roeg's masterpiece of Euro-suspence Don't Look Now. Like tourists we are lead through Bruges' Gothic architecture, the winding cobbled crooks and crannies, the archways leading to romantic canals. Throughout we are witness to the child-like tantrumy contempt, disgust and hatred, that Farrell's bored out of his head character, has for it all. The two protagonists must hole up in Bruges after a hit goes tragically wrong (for all concerned) and wait to be contacted by big cheese Ralph Fiennes. Of course holed-up they don't remain - with comedic outings a-plenty. Fiennes gives a memmorable performance as a cock-er-ney gangster, (reminiscent of Ben Kingsley in Sexy Beast) with a succinct way of putting across his point of view. I read there was a brilliant line edited from the movie but which will pick itself up from off the cutting room floor in time for the DVD release. It goes something like this: Fiennes answers a business man making small talk on a train with, "if I wanted to talk to a c**t - I'd've gone to a talk to a c**t shop" Classic! In Bruges is a dark, witty and inappropriately funny film - you won't see better this year (or last year). (9.1)

Happy Go Lucky sees the return of the Marmite embodying Mike Leigh. This is a quirky tale of the litterally happy-go-lucky Poppy (the gifted Sally Hawkins) and her rose-tinted eyeballs. Poppy is a ray of sunshine in a sh***y world. An often really infuriating and annoying ray of sunshine at that, but you would forgive her anything, as there's not a bad bone in her bod . All Poppy wants, is to make everyone happy and she blummin tries her best to achieve this. Even in her meetings with scarey Scott (Eddie Marsan), who steals the acting honours with his portrail of a racist, hate-ist, violent and really really weird driving instructor. Loved his word-association driving methods though. Again a really good film that achieves everything it sets out to do and makes you smile along the way. (7.65)

Doomsday is Neil Marshall's latest (The Descent, Dog Soldiers) British offering beginning with the letter "D". An homage to 80s movies like Escape From New York, Alien, and Mad Max. Doomsday is not unsuprisingly (though a suprise to me) just a remake of Escape From New York and Mad Max and no more. Only the accents have changed (mostly Scottish) and with a very 80s British and specific soundtrack. It is a soundtrack that never really gels for me and it came as somewhat of a relief when some Kasabian came on at the end. Dog Eat Dog (Ants), Spellbound (Siouxsie) Two Tribes (Frankie) Good Thing (F Y Cannibals) - it was all a bit naff for me but I am tainted from actually being old enough to remember these songs the first time around. That joke isn't funny anymore. So anyway Doomsday stars Rhona Mitra (who is basically an affordable Kate Beckinsale) Bob Hoskins and Malcolm Mcdowell. Hoskins and Mcdowell bring a fine tradition of ground breaking cult movie-ism to this film and so obviously, it can't be really bad.... and isn't. It's just not great. Other usual appearances are from Sean (I'm Neil Marshall's muse) Pertwee (the son of who?) playing a sh*t hot scientist who meats a deliciously unsavoury end. No need to tell you the plot as it is amalgamted from afore mentioned cinematic classics .... (6.0)
Iron Man directed by actor John Favreau (Made, Swingers, Friends) is an impressive new addition to the Super-Genre of Marvelesque movies. Arms dealing, armoured suit wearing, funny guy turns new leaf and uses his technological genius for good. Iron Man works cos Robert Downey Jr brings so much real humour and human-ness to the roll. Apparently he was allowed to re-work the script as he went along. Gwyneth Paltrow is adequate as Pepper Pots (brilliant name) his assistant come nearly love interest. Jeff Bridges also turns up looking old, fat and bald and sporting a huge beard - now that's acting. Jeff Bridges however, for me, will always be Lightfoot, from my favourite bank-caper movie the brill Thunderbolt and Lightfoot. Any hoo go watch Iron Man its alreet. (6.4)

Nim's Island is without doubt - my current worst film of the year, narrowly edging out The Accidental Husband. Nim's Island stars the fab child who can act Abigail Breslin (Little Miss Sunshine) and the fabber Jodie Foster (I used to be a child who could act star) how can it fail? Well on all aspects really .... Plot, over-acting, annoying and plot again. Ok so it probably is aimed at 10 year olds but even Nancy Drew was better. So bad you must try and watch some of it. (2.0)
What Happens In Vegas stars Oscar winning Ashton Kutcher (just messing wid-cha) and Cameron Diaz. Ok two unlikely-to-get-wed folk go to Vegas to escape their troubles and ....you guessed it - Get wed. Unlikely to get wed in the sense that these guys have nothing in common (not their age difference which I won't bring up). So they get wed when drunk, then win loads of cash on't bandits and then have to live with each other for 6 months and have councelling in order for either of them to get a share of the money - so says a judge. Cameron's smile is still as mighty as ever and Ashton is growing on me a little as he matures and turns 19. Nae bad (5.4)

And the overall winner is "Den-DenDerrrrrr" - In Bruges (inspirational)

Ken: We shall strike a balance between culture and fun. Ray: Somehow, Ken, I believe that the balance shall tip in the favor of culture, like a big fat f****ing retard...on a see-saw.

21 vs Leatherheads

I've seen 21 before in its former life as a made-for-TV-movie and I must say I enjoyed it more then. It's not a bad film, it just fails to be as slick as it wishes it is. Also I think I would have prefared it to be called Pontoon - for old times sake. Based on a true story MIT Prof (Kevin Spacey) teaches his brightest students the art of card counting in order to beat Vegas's casinos out of hundreds of thousands of dollars. It ticks along nicely and then goes a bit bonkers at the end - but that's Hollywood. (5.051)

Leatherheads directed and staring George Clooney (writes the theme tune, sings the theme tune) is good clean fun for all the familly. It's not going to win any awards but hey it reminds you of Sunday afternoons with Rock Hudson and Doris Day. Clooney yet again prooves he is the only Hollywood "Star" out there and his female equivalent Renee Zellweger delivers her usual entertaining performance. Leatherheads leads us through the story of how American Football became professional in a rom-com of a shmaltzy waltzy way 2-3-4. It's a by the numbers comedy that delivers, I think, what it sets out to do. It makes us smile and it reminds us of those innocent late 50s early 60s movies like Pillow Talk. It's a nostalgic trip and hit of guiltless and harmless pleasure for pleasure's sake. (5.54)

Welcome back sports fans it's Fourth and Ten and up steps .... and the winner is Leatherheads.

Vantage Point vs How She Move

It's taken me a while to see Vantage Point, cos even though I thought the premise looked interesting, I'd heard it was pretty bad. It wasn't bad - just not great. To be honest it felt like a competent episode of 24 and I so expect more from the big screen. Dennis Quaid plays the Clint-type (you know the films) Secret Service agent, back on duty after a breakdown from taking a bullet for the President. Forest Whitaker is totally under-used (as is Sigourney Weaver as a TV director) and as such miss-cast as a tourist witnessing events as they unroll. So it's basically a Groundhog Day thriller which repeatedly returns to the same action again and again, only from differing perspectives. With each re-run we learn more about the events that have occurred and with each perspective filling in more blanks and answering a question from the previous vantage point. Good idea shame about the lazy plot. (5.0)

How She Move is another urban dance movie but this time it's "Step" (think Stomp). Young girl (Rutina Wesley) from The Hood, has managed to escape to a good school in the Burbs. After the drug-related death of her sister, her parents can't afford to keep her there however; and she must fund her own way by attempting to win a Step-dance competion, that is luckily, just weeks away. Just enough time to practice with several different dance crews then. To fall out with said dance crews and then make friends again with dance crews. To fall in love, to bring her grieving parents back together, to give chances to talented individuals overlooked and to break down the gender barriers that determine only all male crews win these "Step-Dancing" comps. Nae bad (5.0)

And the winner is How She Move by a bootlace....

Horton Hears A Who vs 27 Dresses

So this week I managed to see 2 pretty good flics (for a change). Firstly Horton Hears A Who, Dr Seuss's delightful tale of an idiosyncratic elephant's relationship with the Whos; and especially the lovely-jovely, bumbly-mumbly Mayor of Whoville. Horton discovers the Whos, after hearing a noise coming from a speck of speckyness as it floats by. This speck it soon becomes apparent is in grave danger of ceasing to be, and Horton as such, must save it and the Whos from this impending Dooooom, ie mankind's ability to destroy anything and everything. Jim Carrey's and Steve Carell's voices work fabulously in this really enjoyable and at times funny animation, brought to us by the creators of Ice Age. I totally loved Vlad Vladikoff the hit-man/vulture and even more so Horton's son Jo-Jo, a Goth-Emo-ic Holden Caulfield for the CGI generation. (5.55)

27 Dresses was a totally enjoyable, if not original, rom-com staring Katherine Heigl (Knocked Up) and James Marsden (Enchanted). She's the eternal bridesmaid he's the cynical journalist writing wedding reviews and you'll pretty much guess the rest from here. Brain-numbingly nice. (5.35)

And the winner is ....... Horton Hears A Who. (Watch it in your bathroom, whatever that is)

The Spiderwick Chronicles vs Step Up 2: The Streets

I think I'm regressing - 2 teen movies in 2 days.

The Spiderwick Chronicles is a film for those not old enough to see Harry Potter, though it still had its scary moments. Heard this plot before? Young family movie out to new place - a spooky, Scooby-Dooey, cob-webby mansion in the middle of nowhere. Here weirdness abounds, things go missing and then things go bump.... Fun and frolics ensue and look out for a nice appearance from the lovely Joan Plowright. (5.01)

Step Up 2: The Streets is the sequel to 2006's Step Up which though I saw and enjoyed I can't say I really remember which dancing movie it was. They all roughly (as does this epic hip-hopic) have the same plot anyhoo - boy meets girl, girl meets boy - they dance in different stylies and are doomed from the start cos one is from the burbs and the other the Hood.... (or are they?) Somewhere along the way there's an audition that needs passing, a competition that must be won and an epiphany that all people and dances and music of the world can come together in perfect harmony except reggae-jazz. Enjoy some dancing in the rain (5.4)

And the winner is ...... Step Up 2 ( a maniac on the fl-ugh-oor)

10,000 BC vs Apocalypto

Well I've just been to see 10,000 BC and no sight of Raquel Welch in a fury swimsuit or a bronzed Doug Mcclure-Flintstone a-bashing dynos.

So basically the plot of 10,000 BC is exactly the same as Apocalypto, ie a tribe of baddies goes around pillaging and enslaving peaceful tribes wherever they may find them and set them to work on big Pyramid/Temple structures and as "cheap"sacrifices to their gods. The hero of both, who somehow manages to evade both death and capture must then rescue said tribe and more importantly the quasi Raquel Welch-type love of his life. 10,000 BC comes across as an HBO / BBC made for TV version of Apocalypto. Gone are any of Apocalypto's subtleties, and charcter development and substitute the Mayan civilisation for myriad tribes with accents ranging form South African through Jamaican to Kiwi.

10,000 BC isn't exactly as big a turkey as the ones it features eating up any human they come across. (These are apparently really called Phororhacos). Rating (5.1) Apocalypto on the other hand is awesome, beautiful, inspiring, unique and has a real tale to tell. Rating (8.8).

And the winner is ..... Apocalypto. (Watch it Loco in Acapulco)

There Will Be Blood.......if you're patient

What a really weird film - totally wasn't expecting that. The only thing weirder than this film is its soundtrack - WEIRD. OK so pretty much Daniel Day Lewis uses this movie as a vehicle for showing off. His voice alone deserved the Oscar. Paul Dano however, (Little Miss Sunshine) makes a good attempt at keeping up with Day Lewis, his own weird, creepy and like totally WEIRD Eli / Paul Sunday character, delivers a mesmorising performance of creep. As such his is the only other presence in the movie that justifiably does register - and one just to the left and below that of Day Lewis's mighty shadow. Did you know that there is no dialogue until just shy of 15 minutes. Silence plays a large part in this film, continually fighting against the most beautiful and weirdest of fingernail meets blackboard score by Arvö Pärt and a bit of Brahms chucked in for the mums. So in conclusion the film is weird, long and weird. There will be blood earns an epic, eerie, creepy, monstrous (7.777).

Current Movies - Rated and Slated out of 11

The Accidental Husband - OK a contender for worst film of the year so far. Uma what were you thinking? Really trite, really bland, really bad, really really bad. A must-see for all the wrong reasons and no yellow track suit in sight alas. (2.01)



Surprisingly enjoyable film with Little Miss Sunshine herself , Abigail Breslin and Isla Fisher (soon-to-become-typecast) stealing the show for me. Ryan Reynolds also gives a very human performance. (5.83)



Diary Of The Dead Zombie Franchise. A step too far here for Romero's walking dead. No empathy, no surprises, no plot, infact a real no brainer. (2.9)



The Matrix vs Bourne as billed, Jumper ain't and never was going to be. But it was enjoyable. Hayden Christensen is pretty though no De Niro (cough), Jamie Bell is fab as always and the plot deffinately leaves open a hint that there may well be a sequel to answer many of the questions that weren't in this high-octane hop-scotch of a movie. (6.0)



We all now know about the Oscar winning screen play by Diablo Cody the 'ex stripper' (for Kiki). Juno totally is a breath of fresh air. Juno is quirky, contemporary and funny. The narrative flows as do the characters who are interesting and witty and believable. This film will leave you feeling all hot-chocolatey inside. A must see and bring your own marsh-mallows. (8.16)



National Treasure Book of secrets has all the feel of a contrived sequel. Never the less it's a lot of enjoyable nonsense to fill the gap between the next Indiana Jones or Dan Brown enjoyable nonsense. Silly, unrealistic, and downright dizzy with a cast that must have been blackmailed to appear. (5.41)



The Award winning Cohen Brothers' Genius, Witty, Epic and Enjoyable tale of a drug deal gone wrong. Kelly Macdonald's amazing performance (the wee girl from Trainspotting) I thought was unfairly overlooked as everyone else seemed to get the plaudits. Josh Brolin, to be honest, out performs Oscar winner Javier Bardem's terminating coin tosser. Tommy Lee Jones also gives his best performance to date. No Country For Old Men is an all round worthy winner "friendo". Fab hair, fab facial hair, beautifully shot and just the right side of edgey. (8.25)



Rambo is better than Rambo 2 and 3 though not as good as Rambo First Blood. It's too gory for me and I was hoping for greater characterisation this time, I don't know why I just thought it may turn Rambo into more of a believable killing machine. It ends up being little more than a run of the mill shooty-firey blow-em up movie. (4.003)



Waz is a complex and interesting, dark thriller with enough twists and twisted bits to make anyones' night. This movie would win no positive tourism awards, focusing as it does totally on grey, desolate and misery-filled locations and characters. I loved Selma Blair's performance, Melissa George (Angel offa Home and Away) gives a very gritty portrayal of a newbie cop, but look out for Asher D's (So Solid Crew) unexpected and remarkable performance. By the Sally Hawkins (Persuasion) is also in this - soon to be seen in Happy Go Lucky (6.57)



And The Winner Is .... Juno

List 1 - Some Movies I can remember seeing in 2007 on the big screen that didn't necessarily win an Oscar and rated out of 11.

1408 (5.5)

28 Weeks Later (6.002)

300 (6.3)

310 to Yuma (7.15)

Alien Vs Predator Requiem (3)

Alpha Dog (5.5)

American Gangster (7.4)

Angel-A (7.11)

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (7.2)

Atonement (8)

Becoming Jane (6)

Beowulf 3D (6)

Blades Of Glory (6.4)

Bourne Ultimatum (7.5)

The Brave One (6.5)

Day Watch (6.7)

Death Proof (7.8)

The Departed (6.9)

Die Hard 4.0 ( 5.9)

Disturbia (5.7)

Eagle Vs Shark (7.101)

Eastern Promises (7.3)

Enchanted (6.3)

The Fountain (5.3)

Golden Compass (6.7)

Good German (7.001)

Grind House (6.8)

Hallam Foe (7.4)

Halloween (6)

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (6.7)

The Hills Have Eyes (5.9)

Hot Fuzz (7.1)

I am Legend (7)

The Illusionist (7)

Interview (7.2)

Jane Austin Book Group (6.51)

Killing Of John Lenon (6.41

The Kingdom (6.45)

Knocked Up (7)

Last King Of Scotland (7.9)

Lions For Lambs (6.6)

Little Miss Sunshine (8.4)

The Lookout (6)

Michael Clayton (7.4)

Miss Potter (6.6)

Mr Brooks (7.12)

Nancy Drew (3.5)

Nanny Diaries (5.7)

Nightmare Before Xmas 3D (7.003)

Number 23 (4.23)

Oceans 13 (6.7)

Pirates of the Caribean at World's End (7)

Ratatouille (6.8)

Rendition (6.3)

Resident Evil Extinction (6)

Rocky Balboa (6.1)

Run Fat Boy Run (6.4)

Shooter (6.1)

Shrek The Third (5.9)

Simpsons (5.95)

Smokin Aces (6.6)

Southland Tales (1)

Spiderman 3 (6.1)

Stardust (6.5)

Superbad (7.25)

Tell No One (6.7)

This Is England (8)

Transformers (5.5)

Waitress (5.9)

We Own The Night (7)

Zodiac (7.001)

The Oscars 2008 - I'd like to thank God and all the little people...

80th Academy Awards Nominees, and what we'd pick if we were the actors playing the parts of the judges in a movie about the 80th Academy awards.

Performance by an Actor in a leading role

George Clooney Michael Clayton (Warner Bros.)
Daniel Day-Lewis There Will Be Blood (Paramount Vantage and Miramax)
Johnny Depp Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (DreamWorks & Warner Bros.)
Tommy Lee Jones In the Valley of Elah (Warner Independent)

Viggo Mortensen Eastern Promises (Focus Features)
Aurora: Daniel Day Lewis - good nose.
Kiki: George Clooney. I am in love with George Clooney after all. So anything else would smell of betrayal. Actually I really wanted Josh Brolin to win, but er, he wasn't even nominated. Just shows what I know.

Performance by an actor in a supporting role
Casey Affleck The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (Warner Bros.)

Javier Bardem No Country for Old Men (Miramax and Paramount Vantage)
Philip Seymour Hoffman Charlie Wilson's War (Universal)
Hal Holbrook Into the Wild (Paramount Vantage and River Road Entertainment)
Tom Wilkinson Michael Clayton (Warner Bros .)

Aurora: Javier Bardem - good hair.
Kiki: Javier Bardem. He reminded me of one of those psycho kids from school which was enough to scare me witless- I went to school in Skem Remember.

Performance by an actress in a leading role
Cate Blanchett Elizabeth: The Golden Age (Universal)

Julie Christie Away from Her (Lionsgate)

Marion Coltillard La Vie en Rose (Picturehouse)

Laura Linney The Savages (Fox Searchlight)

Ellen Page Juno (Fox Searchlight)
Aurora: Julie Christie - cos I missed her first one in the 60s.
Kiki: Ellen Page. I may be doing Laura Linney a disservice as I haven't seen The Savages yet, and I really believe the success of Juno is not just down to Ellen Page but a glorious combination of factors; Allison Janney and J.K. Simmons as the parents, a great script, a brilliant and inventive soundtrack. That said, this wouldn't be the same film without her, so GO Ellen Page!

Performance by an actress in a supporting role

Cate Blanchett I'm Not There (The Weinstein Company)

Ruby Dee American Gangster (Universal)

Saoirse Ronan Atonement (Focus Features)
Amy Ryan Gone Baby Gone (Miramax)

Tilda Swinton Michael Clayton (Warner Bros.)
Aurora: Cate Blanchett - cos she's Bob and he's like a fella.
Kiki: Tilda Swinton. I've never seen evil portrayed as simpering before. Brilliant!

Best animated feature film

Persepolis (Sony Pictures Classics): Marjane Satrapi and Vincent Paronnaud

Ratatouille (Walt Disney): Brad Bird

Surf's Up (Sony Pictures Releasing): Ash Brannon and Chris Buck
Aurora: Ratatouille - cute as.
Kiki: Cartoons. Pah.

Achievement in art direction

American Gangster (Universal): Art Direction: Arthur Max; Set Decoration: Beth A. Rubino Atonement (Focus Features): Sarah Greenwood; Set Decoration: Katie Spencer

The Golden Compass (New Line in association with Ingenious Film Partners): Art Direction: Dennis Gassner; Set Decoration: Anna Pinnock

Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (DreamWorks and Warner Bros., Distributed by DreamWorks/Paramount): Art Direction: Dante Ferretti; Set Decoration: Francesca Lo Schiavo

There Will Be Blood (Paramount Vantage and Miramax):Art Direction: Jack Fisk; Set Decoration: Jim Erickson
Aurora: Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street "I will av vengance"
Kiki: Atonement

Achievement in cinematography

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (Warner Bros.): Roger Deakins

Atonement (Focus Features): Seamus McGarvey

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (Miramax/Pathé Renn): Janusz Kaminski

No Country for Old Men (Miramax and Paramount Vantage): Roger Deakins

There Will Be Blood (Paramount Vantage and Miramax): Robert Elswit
Aurora: Atonement - lush.
Kiki: The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

Achievement in costume design

Across the Universe (Sony Pictures Releasing) Albert Wolsky

Atonement (Focus Features) Jacqueline Durran

Elizabeth: The Golden Age (Universal) Alexandra Byrne

La Vie en Rose (Picturehouse) Marit Allen

Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (DreamWorks and Warner Bros., Distributed by DreamWorks/Paramount) Colleen Atwood
Aurora: Elizabeth: The Golden Age - loads of cosies and jewels and that.
Kiki: La Vie en Rose. Although I'm sure Atonement will get it because Keira Knightly looked nice in that green frock. Vive la France.

Achievement in directing

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (Miramax/Pathé Renn), Julian Schnabel

Juno (Fox Searchlight), Jason Reitman

Michael Clayton (Warner Bros.), Tony Gilroy

No Country for Old Men (Miramax and Paramount Vantage), Joel Coen and Ethan Coen

There Will Be Blood (Paramount Vantage and Miramax), Paul Thomas Anderson
Aurora: No Country for Old Men: Joel and Ethan Coen - cos they're due.
Kiki: No Country for Old Men: Joel and Ethan Coen

Best documentary feature

No End in Sight (Magnolia Pictures) A Representational Pictures Production: Charles Ferguson and Audrey Marrs

Operation Homecoming: Writing the Wartime Experience (The Documentary Group) A Documentary Group Production: Richard E. Robbins

Sicko (Lionsgate and The Weinstein Company) A Dog Eat Dog Films Production: Michael Moore and Meghan O'Hara

Taxi to the Dark Side (THINKFilm) An X-Ray Production: Alex Gibney and Eva Orner

War/Dance (THINKFilm) A Shine Global and Fine FilmsProduction: Andrea Nix Fine and Sean Fine
Aurora: No End in Sight - cos I'm a pessimist at heart.
Kiki: Sicko Except that sentimental slushy contrived bit at the end. Why does he always do that?!

Best documentary short subject

Freeheld A Lieutenant Films Production: Cynthia Wade and Vanessa Roth

La Corona (The Crown) A Runaway Films and Vega Films Production: Amanda Micheli & Isabel Vega

Salim Baba A Ropa Vieja Films and Paradox Smoke Production: Tim Sternberg & Francisco Bello

Sari's Mother (Cinema Guild) A Daylight Factory Production: James Longley
Aurora: Salim Baba - liked the swing of its thrust.
Kiki: er...

Achievement in film editing

The Bourne Ultimatum (Universal): Christopher Rouse

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (Miramax/Pathé Renn): Juliette Welfling

Into the Wild (Paramount Vantage and River Road Entertainment): Jay Cassidy

No Country for Old Men (Miramax and Paramount Vantage) Roderick Jaynes

There Will Be Blood (Paramount Vantage and Miramax): Dylan Tichenor
Aurora: The Bourne Ultimatum
Kiki: The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

Best foreign language film of the year

Beaufort Israel

The Counterfeiters Austria

Katyn Poland

Mongol Kazakhstan

12 Russia
Aurora:The Counterfeiters - it's a goodies and baddies thang, in it.
Kiki: Nani?

Achievement in makeup

La Vie en Rose (Picturehouse) Didier Lavergne and Jan Archibald

Norbit (DreamWorks, Distributed by Paramount): Rick Baker and Kazuhiro Tsuji

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (Walt Disney): Ve Neill and Martin Samuel
Aurora: La Vie en Rose - well Elizabeth got the costume oscar...
Kiki: La Vie en Rose. I mean, can you imagine, however good the make-up is, giving the prize to the most offensive film ever made? (That's Norbit by the way- Pirates is just shit)

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (original score)

Atonement (Focus Features) Dario Marianelli

The Kite Runner (DreamWorks, Sidney Kimmel Entertainment and Participant Productions, Distributed by Paramount Classics): Alberto Iglesias

Michael Clayton (Warner Bros.) James Newton Howard

Ratatouille (Walt Disney) Michael Giacchino
3:10 to Yuma (Lionsgate) Marco Beltrami
Aurora: 3:10 to Yuma - not Morricone but best here.
Kiki: Atonement

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (original song)

Falling Slowly from Once (Fox Searchlight) Music and Lyric by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova

Happy Working Song from Enchanted (Walt Disney): Music by Alan Menken; Lyric by Stephen Schwartz
Raise It Up from August Rush (Warner Bros.): Nominees to be determined
So Close from Enchanted (Walt Disney): Music by Alan Menken; Lyric by Stephen Schwartz
That's How You Know from Enchanted (Walt Disney): Music by Alan Menken; Lyric by Stephen Schwartz
Aurora: Falling Slowly - Anything but that Enchanted mush lol.
Kiki: Falling Slowly. This film would certainly win the Entirely odd concept for a film oscar, if there was one. Weirdly engaging and lovely though. This was a close one actually, as all the songs from Enchanted were brilliant, but hey, these guys probably don't need the kudos as much.

Best motion picture of the year

Atonement (Focus Features) A Working Title Production: Tim Bevan, Eric Fellner and Paul Webster, Producers

Juno (Fox Searchlight) A Dancing Elk Pictures, LLC Production: Lianne Halfon, Mason Novick and Russell Smith, Producers"Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.) A Clayton Productions, LLC Production: Sydney Pollack, Jennifer Fox and Kerry Orent, Producers
No Country for Old Men (Miramax and Paramount Vantage) A Scott Rudin/Mike Zoss Production: Scott Rudin, Ethan Coen and Joel Coen, Producers
There Will Be Blood (Paramount Vantage and Miramax) A JoAnne Sellar/Ghoulardi Film Company Production: JoAnne Sellar, Paul Thomas Anderson and Daniel Lupi, Producers
Aurora: No Country for Old Men - very different I actually liked Eastern Promises too.
Kiki: Juno

Best animated short film

I Met the Walrus A Kids & Explosions Production: Josh Raskin

Madame Tutli-Putli (National Film Board of Canada) A National Film Board of Canada Production Chris Lavis and Maciek Szczerbowski
Même Les Pigeons Vont au Paradis (Even Pigeons Go to Heaven) (Premium Films) A BUF Compagnie Production Samuel Tourneux and Simon Vanesse
My Love (Moya Lyubov) (Channel One Russia) A Dago-Film Studio, Channel One Russia and Dentsu Tec Production Alexander Petrov
Peter & the Wolf (BreakThru Films) A BreakThru Films/Se-ma-for Studios Production Suzie Templeton and Hugh Welchman
Aurora: Peter and The Wolf - Come on the Brits...

Kiki: bah and thrice bah. Although Even Pigeons go to Heaven sounds interesting

Best live action short film

At Night A Zentropa Entertainments 10 Production: Christian E. Christiansen and Louise Vesth

Il Supplente (The Substitute) (Sky Cinema Italia) A Frame by Frame Italia Production: Andrea Jublin
Le Mozart des Pickpockets (The Mozart of Pickpockets) (Premium Films) A Karé Production: Philippe Pollet-Villard
Tanghi Argentini (Premium Films) An Another Dimension of an Idea Production: Guido Thys and Anja Daelemans
The Tonto Woman A Knucklehead, Little Mo and Rose Hackney Barber Production: Daniel Barber and Matthew Brown
Aurora: Le Mozart des Pickpocketss - great title.
Kiki: I wonder how many people have seen even one of these?

Achievement in sound editing
The Bourne Ultimatum (Universal): Karen Baker Landers and Per Hallberg
No Country for Old Men (Miramax and Paramount Vantage): Skip Lievsay
Ratatouille (Walt Disney): Randy Thom and Michael Silvers
There Will Be Blood (Paramount Vantage and Miramax): Matthew Wood
Transformers (DreamWorks and Paramount in association with Hasbro): Ethan Van der Ryn and Mike Hopkins
Aurora: The Bourne Ultimatum - just thought it should get something for entertaining us...
Kiki: Eh?

Achievement in sound mixing
The Bourne Ultimatum (Universal) Scott Millan, David Parker and Kirk Francis
No Country for Old Men (Miramax and Paramount Vantage): Skip Lievsay, Craig Berkey, Greg Orloff & Peter Kurland"Ratatouille" (Walt Disney): Randy Thom, Michael Semanick & Doc Kane 3:10 to Yuma (Lionsgate): Paul Massey, David Giammarco and Jim Stuebe

Transformers (DreamWorks and Paramount in association with Hasbro): Kevin O'Connell, Greg P. Russell and Peter J. Devlin
Aurora: Transformers - explosions, aliens, robot noises - that's pretty much all it's about.
Kiki: Eh?

Achievement in visual effects

The Golden Compass (New Line in association with Ingenious Film Partners): Michael Fink, Bill Westenhofer, Ben Morris and Trevor Wood

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (Walt Disney): John Knoll, Hal Hickel, Charles Gibson and John Frazier
Transformers (DreamWorks and Paramount in association with Hasbro): Scott Farrar, Scott Benza, Russell Earl and John Frazier
Aurora: Transformers - Visuals actually is all its about.
Kiki: Transformers. But just cause the Golden Compass annoyed me with its stupid hammy actor bears, and those terrible fake cockney children's accents. And don't get me started on the Anti Religious content. I have news for you. There wasn't any. Sadly.

Adapted screenplay

Atonement (Focus Features), Screenplay by Christopher Hampton

Away from Her (Lionsgate), Written by Sarah Polley
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (Miramax/Pathé Renn), Screenplay by Ronald Harwood
No Country for Old Men (Miramax & Paramount Vantage), Written for the screen by Joel & Ethan Coen
There Will Be Blood (Paramount Vantage and Miramax), Written for the screen by Paul Thomas Anderson
Aurora: The Diving Bell and the Butterfly - brilliant book - fab adoptation.
Kiki: No Country for Old Men

Original screenplay

Juno (Fox Searchlight), Written by Diablo Cody
Lars and the Real Girl (MGM), Written by Nancy Oliver
Michael Clayton (Warner Bros.), Written by Tony Gilroy
Ratatouille (Walt Disney), Screenplay by Brad Bird; Story by Jan Pinkava, Jim Capobianco, Brad Bird
The Savages (Fox Searchlight), Written by Tamara Jenkins
Aurora: Juno - Has to be, flavour of the month and its a breath of fresh air to be honest.
Kiki: Juno Manages to be really quirky and fresh whilst not sinking into an unholy souffle of cheesy naffness. All hail to the woman whom the press cannot stop describing as an 'ex stripper'. Fucking Morons.

The Best Worst Film Titles Ever or The Cinematic Assassination Of The Lower Leg By Cowardly Marketing Departments Part Deux vs Eddie Izzard

With huge debate over the release of the new James Bond film later this year - QUANTUM OF SOLACE (2008), I thought I would obviously kick off with this. Does anyone agree it sounds like the stock-piling of a celebrity perfume. A title like this is enough to scare the living daylights out of a Bond fan. I've only just got over "Octopussy" and now this. "Can I have 2 for a quantum of solace please?" - "no you can pay cash just like everyone else...." However I still live in hope of change remembering that "a gem is not polished without rubbing, nor a man made perfect without trials”( ancient chinese proverb ) and diamonds are for ever...

Next we have THE SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELLING PANTS (2005) almost so bad it reviews itself ... pants indeed. I'm afraid I have to report that SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELLING PANTS 2 is released later this year. I'm secretly hoping for an added subtitle - "The jean genie", "Dis-cord in the mall", "Flaring up again...", "Pants for the memories".

On a simillar note THE DIVINE SECTRETS OF THE YA YA SISTERHOOD (2002) is not divine at all, and reiterates a warning to never use sisterhood in a title ever... ever.

GIGLI (2003) so bad in name it had to be bad on screen. Not even Christopher Walken could save this stinker. ( Stop GIGLIng at the back there...)

THE ASSASSINATION OF JESSE JAMES BY THE COWARD ROBERT FORD (2007) now who in their right mind would have a title so big it falls off the end of a movie poster? A bad fit indeed. Not only is it the greatest movie spoiler of all time but it also prejudges the characters for us....

Again THE ENGLISHMAN WHO WENT UP A HILL BUT CAME DOWN A MOUNTAIN (1995) is big but is not clever ...

The self fulfilling NEVERENDING STORY II - THE NEXT CHAPTER (1990). Word up. I hearby sentence you to years of literary analogous sequels ... Mercifully this fibbing franchise did end after NEVERENDING STORY THREE - ESCAPE FROM FANTASIA (1994) so we can all live happily ever after.

This year also sees the release of HAROLD AND KUMAR EASCAPE FROM GUANTANAMO BAY (2008) - I don't need to see this film to know that it's gonna be rubbish - yep this truly awful title tells me so. Laugh - I don't think so.

FREE WILLY (1993). (raises eyebrows)

OK time to fess up - I'm not putting any Steven Segal films in here, cos I love em, but you know as well as I that all of them should be ( MARKED FOR DEATH, HALF PAST DEAD, HARD TO KILL, ON DEADLY GROUND, OUT FOR A KILL, PRINCE OF PISTOLS ). Well I like a romance as much as the next fella.

But Sly Stallone's films, well that's another matter.... STOP OR MY MOM WILL SHOOT (1992) jaw droppingly bad and even his best film COP LAND (1997), (a film about the police - no really) has the worstist-ist of title choices.

The Wayan brothers make it to the list with their tongue in cheek parody DON'T BE A MENACE TO SOUTH CENTRAL WHILE DRINKING YOUR JUICE IN THE HOOD (1996). We get the gisty joke but it's just not that great or ambitious or risque.

THE CONSTANT GARDNER (2005) really gets your juices flowing... A title in need of both tinkering and tailoring and probably soldiering as the last resort.

SNAKES ON A PLANE (2006) pretty much takes away the necessity to see the movie itself. Perhaps a more mysterious approach was needed - "Something Slithery on a Plane". Look out for future sequels "Plants on a Lake", "Cat on chair", "Singe dans l'arbre", "Mouse under the table".

SHROOMS (2006) Now ask anyone and they'll tell you I'm a fun-guy but it's no laughing matter when a film title is so hilariously bad that it prevents you from being scared witless as is intended - OOooh The SHROOMS... the shrooms.....

WRESTLING WOMEN VS THE AZTEC MUMMY (1964) a very good or was that bad year for film titles. We are now in the realms of titles that could go either way. The first horror / rock n roll / sports interest movie, well it deffo preceeds Rocky III -xxiii anyhoo.

Ok a classic film title so so bad that to be honest it's great - THE INCREDIBLY STRANGE CREATURES WHO STOPPED LIVING AND BECAME MIXED-UP ZOMBIES (1964) One of many B-Movie classics.

STAR TREK III - THE SEARCH FOR SPOCK. (1994) I'm sorry but this has to be the laziest title for a big budget film ever. "We cannae think of a good title capin". Let's just put what happens and that... Very V poor underlined.

Finally on a similar orbit STAR WARS EPISODE I - THE PHANTOM MENACE (1999). A title so cheesey it was rejected by the script writers for Scooby-Doo. Ooh what a menace he is - a real menace that one... Absolutely terrifying.

Film Review - CHARLIE WILSON'S WAR

Tom Hanks is Charlie Wilson, a Texas congressman with a taste for booze, babes and coke. Somehow with the help of Julia Roberts ( playing the sixth richest lady in Texas ) and Phillip Seymour Hoffman ( who though adorning the falsist of false moustaches as a rogue CIA agent - stiil manages to gives yet another every-scene stealing performance ), they manage to successfully mount the largest covert operation in modern history and kick the Ruskies to boot, outta Afghanistan.
Hanks fills the screen with authenticity and humour in the same way George Clooney does. He's a proper film star who never fails to entertain and give 100 percent. Phillip Seymour Hoffman is just magnificent - he is a class act and as mentioned earlier steals every scene. Julia Roberts makes her comeback, after a self imposed exile of four years and gives a subtle performance at least as commanding as Hanks and Hoffman. New girl on the block Amy Adams (Enchanted) also shows much promise as an obviously besotted personnal assistant.
My favourite scene sees our own Ken Stott (Rebus), Hanks and Hoffman all trying to out- perform one another around the dinner table; truly great craftsmanship. But how does the film make us feel and what do we learn from Charlie Wilson's War?
Well to be honest I'm left feeling as emotionally tempered as the Cold War itself, i.e. cold and a bit bored. We learnt that Politics and Governments are corrupt, cruel and coldhearted. But we knew that already didn't we? We learnt that one man and a pretty woman can make a difference. Well kind of, up to a point, and always in the short term, both in the case of Afghanistan here, and events yet to come. Charlie Wilson's War is a well scripted re-telling of a political account of a moment in time. A time which, due to present events, seems even more so over the hill and far away. Does it tickle our collected consciousness, with its near ironic accounts of heroic Afghans fighting to the last? Are we embarrassed by the tales of valour, as we lay witness to peasants attempting to defeat helicopter gunships? Do we squirm in our seats as both Afghan children and American adults give testimony to their unflinching faith that God will rid the mother country of overwhelmingly, powerfull, foreign, invading armies?

Well to be truthfull NO - but the acting is very good...... Where was John Rambo when he was needed?

8/13